The Chase

I'm no writer.  This will probably be the messiest, most disorganized, off topic blog you have ever read.... but maybe, just maybe it will reach just one person who is going through something similar. You are not alone.... 

Everyone has a story to tell, however mine doesn't seem to have an ending.  I've been battling addiction for twenty-three years and still don't have all the answers.  My counselor suggested starting a blog.  If it doesn't help me maybe it will help someone else who is going driving through the bumpy addiction highway.  I wont bore you with every detail of my screwed up adolescence, but I will tell you this.... AT the age of twelve I was already drinking, smoking pot and dropping acid.  By fourteen I was a full fledged heroin addict. I entered my first detox facility at eighteen years old. Addiction is a generational curse in my family and continues to rear it's ugly head over and over again.  For those of you who have never seen or been through opiate addiction, it's a nasty experience.  The physical withdrawal from lack of the drug let alone will drive you to suicide.  The first time I ever experienced the devilish opiate high, I fell in love.  I have always had bad social anxiety and panic disorder.  Heroin made it possible for me to be, what I thought, was myself.  I was able to interact with false confidence and talk to people without being a nervous wreck.  It quickly became my drug of choice and an everyday thing.  At fifteen I experienced my first case of withdrawals.  At the time I wasn't sure what it was.  I just knew every bone in my body ached and all I could think about was getting another foil wrapped present from the dope-man.  Although I stayed clean for a few weeks, my relapse wasn't far away.  I began using a needle at the age of seventeen. This was my biggest mistake yet.  The rush was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  The preparation, the smell of the metal spoon heating up, the blood drawing into the needle as I pulled back the plunger, assuring myself that I found the perfect vein.... I had fallen in love all over again.  I began doing anything and everything to afford my habit.  I moved to Atlanta, Georgia where I began boosting cars and robbing stores for items to be fenced.  I became someone I hated.  At nineteen I weighed 76 lbs and losing more weight everyday.  It wasn't long before I landed myself in jail on two counts of auto theft.  This was my chance to start over.  Upon my release I came back to Florida and stayed clean.  My boyfriend of six years also cleaned up and I became pregnant in February of 2000.  When I reached eight weeks pregnant, baby daddy number one was arrested for violation of probation and since I could not afford our efficiency alone, I moved in with a co-worker who quickly became my new lover.  My fear of being alone always had me in one relationship or the other.  I had my first baby girl, Cierra Nichole, in December of 2000.  I had a new love in my life and I thought this was going to be my happily ever after.   I became pregnant only weeks after having Cierra with baby daddy number two (the co-worker/new lover).  This pregnancy came with a lot of medical issues and it didn't take long for me to relapse due to the pain.  I was told there was no safe way to detox while pregnant (which I know now was a lie) and I signed up for the methadone clinic..... the second biggest mistake of my life.  I stayed on methadone for a few years, and gained a total of 133 pounds. 

Standing in the legal dope line every morning and over medicating myself with this horrible drug.  Because methadone stays active in your system for so long, it is twice as hard to get off of.  But I somehow managed to detox off of 250 mg a day, without dying.  By this time baby daddy number two was no longer in the picture and I had already moved in with, soon to be, baby daddy number three.  I stayed clean until I gave birth to my third child in 2003.  While giving birth I was administered and epidermal which caused nerve damage to my back.  I was put on opiates for pain... which began a whole new addiction.  Since the pill mill epidemic was not yet in sight, pain pills such as Lortabs and Vicodin were easy to come by.  I eventually landed myself back at the methadone clinic where I stayed for three more years. December of 2006 I moved to Fort Walton, Florida with baby daddy number two and in February of 2007 I checked into The Life Change Institute for Women, Created by Bishop Hilliard of The NewLight Christian Center in Texas.  This was my first spiritual experience. It was one of the best (sober) times of my life.  I felt free and close to "Jesus".  At the time I felt on top of the world and no one could take that away.  I returned to Fort Walton where I began to work as an overnight gas station clerk.  I loved my new job, my new friends and my new found love for Christ.  But the pressures of fitting in and my social anxiety disorder eventually lead me to a new addiction.  I began drinking at a local bar called Hellen Back along with my co-worker and best friend.  My

drinking quickly became out of control and I began attending the bar before coming to work at night.  I was living the life of a single twenty-one year old instead of a thirty-six year old, mother of three.  It didn't take long for me to create myself another child by yet another father.  Although this man was honest, loving and amazing, our relationship was not going in the right direction to become a family.  We quickly split up and I landed myself back in Orlando, Florida, living with baby daddy number three.  It didn't take long before I began running with my old crowd.  Long story short, I ended up back at the methadone clinic. Only this time I added a new drug to the equation.... Xanax.  For those of you who don't know, methadone and Xanax are a deadly combination.  At this time, I knew there was no way I could take care of another baby.  I couldn't even take care of the ones I had.  I decided that adoption was my only option.  I picked out a loving couple, Steve and Melody.  They reminded me so much of that perfect couple, still stuck in the 80's.  I involved them in every appointment and every aspect of my pregnancy.  I wanted Melody to experience the whole thing with me since she was unable to have children. During a routine sonogram, the OBGYN informed us that the baby (Sophia) would most likely be born with Dwarfism.  I just knew this had to be my fault.  I thought to myself, if only I had stayed clean.  I began heavily over medicating myself. It became so bad, I was forced into a rehab in Plantation, Florida, that specialized in detoxing pregnant women.  Although I tried to leave after the first few days, I ended up staying the twenty-eight days and gave birth in September of 2008, to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Well, what we though was a healthy baby girl... but that's a story for another time. Since giving birth to Sophia, I have been in and out of recovery, relapsed over and over again, and haven't had more than a year or two of clean time.  In September of 2010 I married my husband, Timothy.  And although we have both made our mistakes, he has stuck by me through this crazy life.  I can't count how many times I have relapsed since we have been      together.  Yet he is still here.  I wish I could say my story has a happy ending.  I wish I could tell you that I had some major epiphany and am a recovered addict..... but this is real life.  I struggle every day with addiction.  Some days I wake up feeling great, other days it takes everything in me not to use.  My life is still a mess... but I can say this:
Just for today, I am clean and clear minded.... Just for today I will share my story with other in hopes that it saves one person from making the same mistakes I did.... Just for today I will be strong, not only for myself but for my husband who has stood by me no matter how messy things got..... Just for today I will enjoy the little things that seem to brighten my day.... Just for today I can say NO to things that will jeopardize my recovery. 

Florida Pill Mills

Florida Pill Mills

When tourists use to think of Florida, they would picture Theme Parks, sunny afternoons and beaches within driving distance of anywhere they wished to stay. People would drive days to visit the “Sunshine State”. The picture to the left is an example of the newest reason people drive thousands of miles to visit the sunshine state. For the last ten years Florida has been known as the pill mill capital by many opiate users. The term “pill mill” is used to describe the corrupt doctors’ offices that are freely handing out prescription narcotics such as Oxycontin, Roxiecodone, Oxydose and Xanax. These drugs are highly addictive and, according to Florida's Attorny General, are the cause of more than 75% of drug related deaths in Florida. The physical withdrawal symptoms from these prescriptions are so severe, only 5% of abusers recover without inpatient rehabilitation. I myself have had the unfortunate experience of addiction to prescription pills, so this topic hits close to home for me. Out of the top fifty Oxycontin distributors in the US, forty-nine are located in Florida.   People traveling from all over have nicknamed our highways the "Oxy Express". Narcotic pill-seekers come from all over the US in hopes of finding a doctor to provide them with all the pills their heart desires. Some of these patients are prescribed up to six hundred narcotic pain and anti-anxiety pills per visit. I know this because I was one of them. Taking cash only, Florida pain clinics take in hundreds of thousands of dollars a day. The only requirements to become a patient are a pocket full of cash and an MRI which can be provided to you for an additional cash payment. I made my first appointment with a local pill mill after my family doctor refused to write me a refill for my pain medication. The medication was originally given to me after suffering pain from a mistake made while receiving an epidural. 

Although I no longer suffered pain I had an undeniable addiction to opiate pain medication. During my first encounter with my pill mill doctor, I was given four hundred and fifty narcotic pain pills and an appointment to come back for more the following month. I had found myself a legal drug dealer. Even in the mist of my addiction, I knew what these doctors were doing was wrong. These pill mills get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for the act of creating as many addicts as they can and sending them out onto our streets. Once a person becomes addicted to opiates, they have less than a 30% chance of recovering. Out of those who do recover, only 10% will stay clean. Out of that, 5% will manage to avoid relapse. Not only are these pills being swallowed  they are smoked, snorted and injected to reach the desired effect. Many opiate addicts will tell you how badly they wish to get off the pills. Once the addiction really sets in, the user no longer gets high from the drug. They continue using to feel normal. Without the pills, the addict is too sick to function. The withdrawal from opiates is much like having the flu, only way more intense. Your body aches terribly while your legs begin to cramp so badly, it is impossible to lay still. Nausea and diarrhea set in and eating is out of the question. Your head hurts so badly from trying to think of a way to score the needed drugs and the more you think about it, the worse you feel. At that point it doesn't matter who they hurt, or what they have to do, that next pill is the only thing that 

matters. Most addicts not only lose themselves during addiction, they lose their family, friends, house, car and any other possessions they can sell for the drug. I was no exception. The opiate withdrawal was always too much for me to handle. The physical pain mixed with the mental agony of knowing just one little pill could make me feel so much better made it almost impossible to fight the withdrawals long enough to begin recovery.  
Every day, more than fifty-five hundred people begin to abuse prescription medications. A good majority either reside in Florida or travel to Florida to visit our pill mills. Eight-five percent of pain pill prescriptions come from Florida due to the lack of prescription regulations and monitoring. Although Florida has finally decided to put monitoring programs in place,  many have already lost so much to this epidemic. Prescription drugs are now killing far more people than illegal drugs.  In the US, an average of one person every five minutes dies from abusing pain medication. In Florida alone, an average of seven people die every day from this epidemic. It kills me to know that this problem will continue to grow until we find a way to stand up against pill mills and the corrupt doctors who run them. These doctors are giving a bad name to the legit doctors who have taken their oath seriously. 

Although opiate addiction is a though fight to win, it can be done. I have been clean for many years now. Still, today I go to counseling and meetings to maintain my sobriety. Not everyone is so lucky though. In the past ten years I have lost five loved ones to prescription pain pill addiction. Until something is done about these clinics, the rise in pain pill addiction will continue. Many wonder why more hasn't been done about pill mills and the doctors who run them. Who benefits from this system, beyond the shady doctors and pharmacists who run this scam? The state government collects sales tax from the pharmacy and licensing fees from the mills. Then there are the drug makers and investors who specialize in the production of only addictive drugs. Lawyers benefit by prosecuting or defending pill mill operators and addicts. It seems to me the only ones losing in this deal are the addicts and their families. So until something changes, the only thing we can do as a community is educate our children and try our best to tell anyone who will listen to stay clear of these pain clinics. I talk to my daughters all the time about prescription drugs and will continue to do so to ensure they do not follow the same life debilitating path I did. 

Pain Clinics

Not all doctors are corrupt and not all pain clinics are legal drug pushers. There are those who legitimately need pain medication. Some pain clinics offer different methods of pain control. At a legit pain clinic, they will tailor your treatment to your specific needs. It is so important to do your homework before setting an appointment with a pain clinic. I failed to do so and it resulted in years of painful addiction. Before seeking treatment at any pain clinic, first find out what types of treatment they offer. If the only treatment offered is pain control through opiate pain medication, there is a good chance this is not a legit clinic. Most pain management clinics offer a variety of treatments such as physical therapy, electrical stimulation, corticosteroids and many non addictive methods of pain relief. Most doctors will ask if you or anyone in your family has a history of drug abuse or opiate addiction. If you doctor doesn't ask this it is important to let him know anyway. This will help the doctor better chose the proper way to treat your pain. The pill mill epidemic has made it so much harder for people who are really in need of the medication. Doctors are now forced to judge whether the patient is actually in need or just drug seeking, leaving some patients who actually need the medication in pain and without proper care. Many doctors are no longer comfortable writing narcotic prescriptions to patients and it is becoming harder for those who need the medication to find a physician to care for them. Pill Mill doctors are not only making millions of dollars selling prescriptions to addicts, they are making it impossible for honest and upstanding citizens to receive proper care for their chronic pain issues. 

Since The "Crack Down"

In 2011, Florida began doing their best to crack down on the pill mills giving our state the "Oxy Express" nickname. Florida created a statewide strike force to provide money, intelligence and investigative support to regional law enforcement teams set up to fight criminal distribution of prescription drugs. Before the crackdown, Florida had 90 the nation's top 100 Oxycontin-purchasing doctors and 53 of its top 100 Oxycontin purchasing pharmacies. Those numbers have dropped to 13 of the top 100 doctors and 19 of the top 100 pharmacies. The number of pill mills have dropped by almost thirty eight percent and Florida is moving quickly to suspend the medical licenses of doctors who prescribe pain killers abusively. Even the number of deaths have dropped by eight percent. We are still a long way from victory against this prescription drug war. Florida has finally put a prescription drug monitoring program into place that requires health care practitioners to report to the database when he or she:

* Administers a controlled substance directly to a patient if the amount   is adequate to treat the patient during that particular treatment session
* Administers a controlled substance to a patient or resident receiving care at a hospital, nursing home, ambulatory surgical center, hospice, or intermediate care facility for the developmentally disabled
* Administers or dispenses a controlled substance in the health care system of the Department of Corrections
* Administers a controlled substance in the Emergency Room of a licensed hospital
* Administers or dispenses a controlled substance to a patient under the age of 16 or
* Dispenses a one-time, 72-hour re-supply of controlled substances.

While this isn't a quick fix, it is the beginning of shutting down the legal drug houses known as Florida Pill Mills. 

Before and After

Addiction

     

"The Oxycontin Express | Watch Documentary Onli"Florida Attorney General - Pill Mill Initiative."



"PAIN CLINICS OR LEGAL DOPE HOUSES? CNN INVESTIGATION." YouTube. CNN Reporter, 27 Feb. 2010. Web. 05 Mar. 2013.                                                   <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L1kxT0DqrU>.


"The Pill Mill Epidemic." Drug Rehabs The Pill Mill Epidemic Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 Mar. 2013.                                                                     <http://www.drugrehabs.com/article/the-pill-mill-epidemic>.


"Pain Clinics: What to Expect and How to Find One." WebMD. WebMD, 15 July 2012. Web. 9 Mar. 2013.
Pullen, Edward, MD. "Treatment of Chronic Pain Puts Doctors in a No Win Situation." KevinMD.com. N.p., Apr. 2011. Web. 10 Mar. 2013. <http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/04/treatment-chronic-pain-puts-doctors-win-situation.html>.
Reuters. "Florida Claims Success In 'Pill Mill' Crackdown." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 15 Mar. 2012. Web. 10 Mar. 2013. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/15/florida-pill-mill-success-crackdown_n_1345918.html>.